I listened to Pearl Jam with the headphones on, and secretly hated the man I loved.
He had me convinced that my family back home was not worth going home to.
He told me that I didn’t know what real love was, unless I was willing to love him and forgive him all his sins against me even though he tossed me around our apartment like a rag doll and choked me until I couldn’t breathe.
He paid off my $4000 credit card bill by moving my paycheck into a direct deposit to his checking account and then giving me an allowance every two weeks.
He let me have no friends and no visitors unless he cleared them first. I had no friends.
He slammed me against the wall and threw me down onto the floor and kept his hands on my throat every time.
He told me loved me.
He told me that I didn’t understand what real love was.
But when he took his handgun out of his waistband and said, “You leave me, I will kill you, I will hunt you down and kill you, or kill myself or a cop,” I ran.
I ran, and I ran, and I ran.
I got home to New York from California, I ran so hard.
Thank you for letting me get that all out. It’s taken years to finally say it properly. I still probably didn’t say it properly, but…it’s out.
And…I’m okay, for what it’s worth.