My Longest Sentence of the Year

I love walking through the house at dusk, in spring, with the lights down low – or not even on at all – and letting the chartreuse and olive green leaves of the trees outside, which seem to be holding onto the last of the sunlight, light up the inside of my rooms through the windows like the huge fish tanks at Monterey Bay Aquarium…it’s like living in an underwater treehouse.


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Imagine…If You Will

Imagine, if you will, that George W. Bush felt worried about an outsider like Obama taking over the White House.  So he takes opposition research from McCain and uses it against this new incoming President to spy on him before Obama even takes office.

Wouldn’t you be a little concerned about that?


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So, after 53 years of life on this planet, I finally learn that the person I want most to fall in love with is…me.

I just realized that the love I had with Rob, which wasn’t perfect, was just about the closest I will ever get to near perfect.  And I broke up with him, thinking I could do better.

Now he’s dead, and I’m alone and have to shave my legs again.

And the men I have to shave my legs for are not even worthy of my razor.

They all want to get in my pants but won’t mow my lawn.  They want to have their dicks rubbed but won’t help me blow my leaves.

Had I known all of this, I would never have grown older…I would’ve just been a singer.

Oh well.

At least I have my cats.



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Madness Forms…or Not

In the winter of my discontent, I feel hollow and empty because my love is dead and the only people left alive in my life don’t understand me for crying over my dead.

It’s enough to make one mad, only, we are already mad because one half of our country is happy and the other half of our country wants it proven that Putin paid some hacker to hack that which was already freely and clearly given up by some washed up almost forgotten old hag who thought she should be president simply because she wanted to be.

Russian literature only wishes it had it this good.

But, I digress.

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On Losing Three Trees in a Blizzard

(Sung to the tune of Johnny Nash’s “I Can See Clearly Now”)

I can see clearly now the trees are gone
I can see all the snow still on my roadway
Gone are the gorgeous pines that blocked my view
Gonna be a bright, bright front lawn someday

Rob wanted all those trees down years ago
I told him, “Oh no, honey, it’s privacy!”
Gone are those gorgeous pines that blocked our view
Gonna be a bright, bright front lawn I see

Look straight ahead, I can now see 590
Look all around, I can see blue skies!
My lawn will be dry…dry…

I can see clearly now the trees are gone
Thanks to my neighbor they have all disappeared
Got lots of pine if someone wants it now
Gonna have a bright, bright front lawn this year!

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On Being Honest

I’ve pulled some real doozies in my lifetime, where I was afraid to go home to my Mom and say, “Mom, I screwed up.”

But, eventually, when I’ve screwed up, I’ve had to go to my Mom and say, “Mom, I screwed up.”

It was painful, but she was always there to help me get through it, and she hugged me, and she loves me to this day.

I think it’s time some politicians, both former and current, come home and say, “Mom, I screwed up.”

I have no poker face, and I really suck at lying. So it really sticks in my craw when I see a paid politician stand in front of a television camera and lie to the American people.

If I can’t even lie to my own mother, why in hell should I pay for an elected official to do so?

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A Suggestion to U.S. School Boards

I’m hesitant to speak out about the Florida school shooting, especially since I haven’t read every news account, but, I’d like to make a suggestion to school boards across the US. I suggest that if a student is found to have concerning posts on social media and/or threatening encounters with other students or teachers, rather than simply expelling the student, please consider offering that student free counseling by a valid psychologist. Give that student an opportunity to work out their feelings with someone who is qualified and offers a confidential setting. It would be a small expense that could save many lives.

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